Worse Day Ever
Today can be considered one the worst days I have ever had. For the third time, I had to hear the term “Eskimo friends”. I ignored it a few times and asked Sal not to use that word but he refused to comply with my simple request. Last night, I get a text from him telling me he’s hanging out with Ralphy. It didn’t bother me at all but when the word “Eskimo buddies” popped up on my phone I was furious. I couldn’t believe he would text that to me at one in the morning. For what purpose? I felt like he enjoyed the fact that his girlfriend is a whore? I told my cousin what happen and he yelled over the phone. He claimed he was ready to kick his ass. Calling his cousin a whore, what a dumb move. How could I be so calm about it while my cousin angrily explained to me what a piece of shit he was. When he got mad that’s when I got mad. I looked back in the last 8 months since me and Sal have been together. I see more negative things than positive. I made a list in my head:
1. He rarely calls or texts me. (I have to be the one to implement that)
2. I feel like we are becoming more distant and he rarely comes by to see me.
3. He hasn’t told Cota that we are together. (even though i broke the news to him like 5 months ago).
4. I feel like he has no respect for me.
What am I to do? I can’t keep on being the man in this relationship. Checking up on him and seeing how he’s doing. Coming to him all the time instead of him not coming to me. Letting such negative comments just brush me by like it doesn’t mean anything. I guess that self-esteem of mine is still hindering me from becoming that woman that I want to be. He’s on his way right and I’m not sure what’s he thinking. Two things can come out of this meeting. One is he begging for forgivness and promises that he will never do it again. Or two he will simply let this relationship run its coarse and move on with his life without me. I’m scared and sad at the same time. Even now as I write, I’m tearing up because even I don’t know what I’ll do if I have to say goodbye to him for the last time. I have never done something like that before and I know it won’t be easy. But it has to done. By the way, it’s a day before my birthday. The weird thing is that I felt like my relationship would end on that day. I guess about to find out.